Monday, January 2, 2012

Classifying

Aquatics Athletes 
by Muhammad Riyansyah (3BIA)

         Sea Games has three kinds of Aquatics Athletes : Swimming Athletes, Water Polo Athletes, and Syngcronize Athletes. Indonesian Athletes got three gold for swimming and they make a record for the fastest swimmer ever in Sea Games. Indonesian Athletes also got two silver for Water Polo. One silver for Men's Team and One silver for Women's Team. Indonesian Athletes got five gold for syngcronize sport. They was adding more gold as a contribution to make Indonesia become a winner.
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11 comments:

  1. SoyarepaJanuary 4, 2012 at 4:50 PM

    I think you make a mistake in 'Indonesian Athletes got three gold for swimming and they make a record for the fastest swimmer ever in Sea Games'
    It should be : Indonesian Athletes got three gold for swimming and made a record for the fastest swimmer ever in Sea Games

    thanks .

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rexy TheradiatorspringJanuary 4, 2012 at 5:20 PM

    I think you made a mistake in "They was adding more gold as a contribution to make Indonesia become a winner."
    it should be : They should get more gold as a contribution to make Indonesia become a winner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Muhammad RiyansyahJanuary 26, 2012 at 9:22 AM

      if you use "should" means they aren't get it. but my point is come up to the athletes who got gold

      Delete
  3. AnnisaJanuary 4, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    I think you should change 'They was adding more gold...'
    become "They were adding

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  4. Desi Siska PutriJanuary 4, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    I think you must explain the details of Classifying.

    ReplyDelete
  5. orientalcafe.blogspot.comJanuary 4, 2012 at 5:34 PM

    Dear Ryan, please don't forget to add 's' when you use plural object.

    "Indonesian Athletes got three gold(s) for swimming."
    "Indonesian Athletes also got two silver(s) for Water Polo."
    "Indonesian Athletes got five gold(s) for syngcronize sport."

    ReplyDelete
  6. randy neldiansyahJanuary 4, 2012 at 5:41 PM

    hey buddy..
    you have to take care of the structure

    ReplyDelete
  7. Isti Meilani R.SJanuary 4, 2012 at 6:10 PM

    i think, you must focus on your topic sentence .
    because the first sentence you said "Sea Games has three kinds of Aquatics Athletes : Swimming Athletes, Water Polo Athletes, and Syngcronize Athletes.
    next sentence "Indonesian Athletes got three gold for swimming and they make a record for the fastest swimmer ever in Sea Games."

    it was not related with the first sentence .

    ReplyDelete
  8. Muhammad RiyansyahJanuary 26, 2012 at 9:26 AM

    i think those sentence are related to the topic sentrence because the point of last sentence is talking about aquatics athletes.

    ReplyDelete

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